Izzy: Greetings all you biatches and bitches.
Elsa: And the difference is???
Izzy: An “A.”
Elsa: Difference in meaning?
Izzy: Bitch is one of those amazing words that can be used in…well, just so many different ways.
Elsa: You do seem to favor the term.
Izzy: For instance…if someone looks fabulous I could say, “Oh, you look amazing you skinny bitch.”
Elsa: Ummm hmmm
Izzy: Bitch also works if you are angry at someone…say, for instance, if I was mad at you for not twinning with me on Twinning Tuesday, I could call you a skanky bitch.
Elsa: IS that what you’re calling me?
Izzy: I said “for instance”
Elsa: Okay…that makes it so much better. And biatch is?
Izzy: I mean…YOU might say biatch because it is more proper than bitch.
Elsa: I wouldn’t say that biatch is more proper…
Izzy: To-mate-toes, To-mot-os.
Elsa: In fact, I don’t think I’d say “biatch” at all.
Izzy: HA! You just did!!
Elsa: I was merely and clearly making the point that I don’t like to call people names, nor do I like stooping down to the gutter to communicate.
Izzy: Not too far from a stoop…Anyway, let’s move on to one handsome man bitch…
Elsa: He looks lovely in his birthday outfit.
Izzy: Did you say, “birthday suit?”
Elsa: No. I intentionally DID not say that. I know you too well to give you that type of opening.
Izzy: I don’t need YOU to create an opening. Where there isn’t a door, I smash a window.
Elsa: Let’s discuss his OUTFIT and not what’s under it, shall we?
Izzy: Why? Is he wearing some hottie pants underwear?
Elsa: If you weren’t married, maybe you would get a chance to know, but since YOU ARE MARRIED, I guess we’ll discuss his outfit.
Izzy: Speaking of his outfit…I resent that crown on his head.
Elsa: He IS the birthday king.
Izzy: Having a birthday doesn’t automatically make you royalty. Duh, you Skank.
Izzy: Yes, on the insult-o-meter, skank is ranked somewhere between bitch and skanky bitch.
Elsa: Oh, so there’s a…what did you call it?? An…insult…
Izzy: Insult-o-meter…coming to a Nordstroms near you!
Elsa: Well, I think he looks lovely. I love the colors of his outfit. And I love that he is man enough to wear pink. The polka dots are a fun surprise at the sleeve. I just love clothing that has a surprise element.
Izzy: Don’t be surprised if I knock that crown off of his head.
Elsa: Next look? Before I have to call the police.
Elsa: Now, that’s a handsome guy!
Izzy: Actually, that is a handsome girl.
Elsa: Oh. Well, she certainly is lovely.
Izzy: We moved from a handsome man willing to wear pink to a fine young lady bold enough to strut her stuff in an outfit inspired by menswear.
Elsa: I do love playing with masculine and feminine elements.
Izzy: Just yesterday, I recall seeing you in a jock strap.
Elsa: You have never seen me in one of those. Nor will you. But I do like this simple shirt and tie combo. They’re great! But the glasses really make the outfit.
Izzy: If you keep it simple in the silhouette and fabrics, you can add accessories which will make a big impact.
Elsa: Nicely done. That’s the first time you’ve actually talked about fashion…on this fashion show… in a while. Good job.
Izzy: Naked people. Alcohol. Butts.
Elsa: You just couldn’t leave it alone, could you?
Izzy: Meh, meh, meh…
Elsa: Is that a no?
Izzy: That’s my goat sound.
Izzy: See? A goat.
Elsa: A goat in a very lovely sweater. That color is magnificent.
Izzy: Magnificent, huh? Well, I think the skirt is very magnificent too.
Elsa: The color of the sweater really brings out this lovely goat’s eye color.
Izzy: I like that the color of the sweater is mimicked in the skirt too. So beautiful.
Elsa: I love that we have other animals on the show…last week we had a cat and this week, we have this lovely goat.
Izzy: We make fun of all animals, equally!!
Elsa: Do I detect a segway?
Elsa: Wow…that’s a lot of fur going on right there.
Izzy: You know, if Dr. Suess’ Thing One had a romp in the hay with Cookie Monster of Sesame Street fame, this would be the result!
Elsa: I’m not sure that trying to match your hair color to your fur jacket is the way to go.
Izzy: Does that look matching to you?
Elsa: Let me rephrase…I don’t think trying to coordinate your fake fur hair piece to any article of clothing you are wearing is the way to go.
Izzy: I’m not sure that wearing a piece of craft fur on your head is the way to go.
Elsa: If you can buy it in the children’s craft section OR the dollar store, you should not wear it.
Izzy: And the glasses…
Elsa: Far too big for her face. The wrong shape for her face. The wrong color to go with this outfit.
Izzy: Is there a right color to go with this outfit?
Elsa: I’m not sure there is much right about this outfit at all.
Izzy: So, you got me thinking…
Elsa: That’s a first.
Izzy: Oh, Ha. Ha. Bitch.
Elsa: Where does that land on your Insult-o-meter.
Izzy: Pretty high up there…Anyway, you said that you shouldn’t attempt to coordinate your hair to your outfit. But I do believe that certain colors do look better on certain skin tones and with certain hair color. For instance, redheads usually look fabulous in green because red and green are complementary colors.
Elsa: What I said was, that you shouldn’t try to match your blue fake fur hair piece to any other part of your outfit.
Izzy: So if your blue fur hairpiece is real, you can match it your outfit?
Elsa: Who has real blue fur?
Elsa; Okay, if you’re a Smurf you are exempt from my rule.
Izzy: Just clarifying.
Elsa: Okay, biatch…
Izzy: You said you’d never say that.
Elsa: You drive me to do things I never thought I would…
Izzy: You drive me to drink!!
Elsa: What did I do to cause you to drink?
Izzy: No, I mean…Let’s go…you can drive me to the bar. You’re going to have to be the designated driver today because I’m sure not going to do it.
Izzy and Elsa: Stay fabulous, fashionistas!
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