Izzy: Welcome all you elves and reindeers!!
Elsa: It’s the Christmas Ball edition!!! I’m so excited. I love all the elegant dresses, sparking lights, celebrating the true meaning of the holiday, family, friendships…
Izzy: … snow, icy roads, family, overspending… wait, overspending should be in the pros category.
Elsa: Are you saying that you DON’T like the holidays?
Izzy: I don’t like forced, dysfunctional family gatherings, cheery sales people who smile at everyone and reindeer poop all over my yard.
Elsa: You’d prefer grumpy sales people?
Izzy: I’d like to take the edge off their rosy disposition.
Elsa: So, silver lining…
Izzy: You and you’re silver lining… I’m not saying that there aren’t some parts of the holidays that I like…. like free alcohol, receiving gifts and Christmas cookies. I do like those things.
Elsa: I love all those things too! And I love the beautiful gowns that are debuted during this special time of the year. Here is a fantastic example…
Izzy: Gertie, you elegant skank!
Elsa: Is there such a thing?
Izzy: As I live and breathe…
Elsa: I wonder how many yards of lush and amazing fabric went into making that gown!
Izzy: I wonder how heavy it is?
Elsa: This beautiful gown has a little Asian influence with the deep, rich red and the delicate floral pattern.
Izzy: Maybe it’s the black and red color scheme, but I’m getting a Spanish vibe.
Elsa: Whatever the influence, this is a show stopper of a gown!
Izzy: It’s beyond fabulous but I could live without the red butt bow.
Elsa: I like it.
Izzy: I would rather see it with just the black bow, but then again, I’m a minimalist.
Elsa: You? Minimalist? Um…. no.
Izzy: In some areas of my life, I am very much a minimalist.
Elsa: Such as???
Izzy: I like minimal stress, minimal junk mail, minimal fleas…
Elsa: Minimal? I don’t want any!
Izzy: But I bet you want more great fashions?
Elsa: Now this is where I see a rich Spanish influence. The colors are in beautiful contrast, the fabrics are luxurious and the beading is impeccable.
Izzy: He’s a crazy handsome matador ready to fight the bull crap of a family holiday dinner.
Elsa: You really have issues.
Izzy: Or to dance the night away.
Elsa: He will never land on the naughty list wearing this outfit.
Izzy: Then he’s doing something wrong. You know why Santa is always so jolly don’t you? He knows where all the naughty men and ladies live!
Elsa: How can you corrupt something as sweet and wholesome as Christmas?
Izzy: Years of practice.
Elsa: Getting back to the fashion… this outfit is so special that it should only be pulled out for the elitist of occasions.
Izzy: He and Gertie should hook-up! They are already wearing matching outfits.
Elsa: Here’s another amazing little miss who will surely be asked to dance at the ball.
Izzy: That’s perfection in a dress.
Izzy: She looks like a fiery little princess! The gown is layered in such warm colors! I feel like I could roast marshmallows off her butt.
Elsa: Is that a compliment?
Elsa: I love the lace and the details on the bodice. It’s such an unusual choice for a Christmas ball, but it works so well. She will definitely stand out in a sea of red and green gowns.
Izzy: Standing out in a crowd is WHERE. IT’S. AT!
Elsa: You do that quite well, my friend.
Izzy: There’s a right and a wrong way to stand out in a crowd. This is a great example of how to do it the right way. And now, are you ready for a good example of how to stand out in a crowd the wrong way?
Elsa: Oh goodness.
Izzy: Look behind you!!!!!!! Lotso Bear is going to attack!
Elsa: Lotso Bear?
Izzy: The evil bear from Toy Story.
Elsa: Oh, yes, well, something is about to attack her, that’s for sure.
Izzy: Or maybe she is having a bad outbreak of a sexually transmitted disease.
Elsa: If that’s the case, I hope she seeks medical treatment soon! She needs an ointment or something.
Izzy: I would think you would love this dress…. its pink, its frilly, it’s super girly.
Elsa: It’s also tacky, a little too shiny and has more baubles than the Time Square Christmas tree. So, no, I do not love this dress.
Izzy: You know I was teasing you…
Elsa: I hardly find this funny!! This dress looks more like a Rose Bowl Parade float than a garment.
Izzy: I wonder where she got this dress… Wouldn’t this be just a FABULOUS Christmas gift for you…
Elsa: You are going to have coal in your stocking this year, Izzy.
Izzy: Coal is carbon, right… you know what else is made of carbon??? Diamonds… yes, I should get diamonds in my stocking.
Elsa: You have been pretty naughty to our guests this year, but I will put in a good word for you.
Izzy: I’m naughty in the most delightful way, or so I tell people.
Elsa: You can be quite delightful. You usually choose not to be… but theoretically, you can be nice.
Izzy: And there goes your Christmas gift.
Elsa: We have to go too!! I have a Christmas ball to attend.
Izzy: Well, have a “ball” at your ball….
Elsa: That joke earned you a lump of coal right there!!
Izzy and Elsa: Stay fabulous, Fashionistas!
For more Pawshion Police, click here. And, be sure to tune in every Friday for your weekly dose of fashion and sass!
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