Izzy: Greetings to all you beautiful and fashionably-challenged people alike!
Elsa: Ahh… Welcome, everyone. Do you TRY to be increasingly offensive every week?
Izzy: Everyone’s got to have goals, Elsa!!
Elsa: Glad to see your priorities are in place.
Izzy: At least I don’t discriminate. I greeted the pretty and fashion-challenged people equally. And yes, I had some time between sun-bathing and massages to do some deep thinking this summer. My goals are to always be charmingly honest, immensely fashionable, to shop A LOT and to eat plenty of chocolate cake.
Elsa: That really sounds like you’re just listing things you already do or enjoy doing. A goal is usually something that you want to strive to be or to accomplish. And typically, being MORE offensive isn’t a goal.
Izzy: I want to maintain my fabulous-ness. That is my goal. I never said I wanted to be MORE offensive. Just my normal offensive. Anyway, you have admit that not EVERY person watching today is a beautiful model.
Elsa: But we don’t judge people’s characters based on their outward appearance.
Izzy: Umm…. This IS the Pawshion Police. The whole premise of the show is TO JUDGE people based on their OUTWARD appearance. If you had your way we’d only be judging people based on the kindness of their hearts and their sunny dispositions.
Elsa: That’s not a bad idea, Izzy! I think we have a new show concept!
Izzy: I call HYPOCRITE! You know you love to judge people’s clothes….
Elsa: I don’t judge people though…just their fashions.
Izzy: Whatever helps you sleep!
Elsa: Well, you seem to have a clear vision. A very mean and demented vision, but a vision nonetheless.
Izzy: Yes, nothing like a summer of fun and sun to clear your head and set your priorities straight. Holla!!!
Elsa: Well, I too had a wonderful summer, but I am so looking forward to pumpkin spice lattes, crunchy fall leaves and cozy sweaters. And I really love bon fires where I can swap stories with my beloveds.
Izzy: Sure. That sounds… fun. I can’t wait to trash people’s back-to-school looks!!!
Elsa: Well, then I guess we better start judging people’s FASHIONS not their characters or personalities or their philanthropy work or their…
Izzy: Now you get it!! Let’s start off strong with a stunning and clean look.
Elsa: I don’t think you’re going to be able to trash this look.
Izzy: Darn it! I think you’re right. This is pretty sweet.
Elsa: This is such a clean and contemporary look and image. She looks smart and sophisticated and so ready for school or the runway.
Izzy: I love the tall necked turtle-neck. Her neck goes on for days and this collar really accentuates it. I think I would like a turtle if I put this one on.
Elsa: I suppose that’s where turtlenecks got their name. But you’re right. This type of neckline can be AMAZING or can really make you look like an armadillo.
Izzy: Elsa… I think you just offended the entire armadillo audience!
Elsa: Oh. Well, I’m terrible sorry to the ZERO armadillos that watch our show.
Izzy: But the point is that you should dress for your body type. And Dora is a long necked beauty so she can rock this type of collar.
Elsa: And those glasses are perfect. Clean and neat just like the rest of the outfit.
Izzy: And you should always match your calculator to your sweater. I think I read that in Cosmo.
Elsa: I’m sure you did.
Izzy: Ready for another smart look?
Elsa: He can’t help but look smart with a name like Einstein!
Izzy: He’s adorable in this cable knit red sweater.
Elsa: I think the black and white striped shirt underneath contrasts so nicely with the bold red color. So on point. Plus, like you mentioned last week, black and white stripes should be in every closet. It is such a clean look.
Izzy: I also mentioned last week that black and white striped shirts are perfect for playing pirate!! You always forget the most important part.
Elsa: This is not the look of a pirate. This is clean, modern and sophisticated. I think the crisp collar and cuffs make a huge difference. And of course, who doesn’t look AMAZING in @louisvuitton!
Izzy: Dangling some pretty swank bling there, Einstein!
Elsa: He’s ready for school for sure, although I don’t know if he even needs to go to school.
Izzy: Because he’s an Einstein?
Elsa: No, because he’s so hot he must already have a million degrees!!
Izzy: Oh geez. I wonder if there is a joke school. You really should look into it… but in the meantime, leave the funnies to me.
Elsa: I will look into “joke school” if you look into “stop being so snooty school.”
Izzy: I wonder if that exists???
Elsa: Moving along to our third star student.
Izzy: What a fox!
Elsa: He really is handsome, isn’t he?
Izzy: Ya — and he literally looks like a fox in this photo. But kinder and much more fashionable.
Elsa: I have always loved the combination of a plaid button down with a “V” neck sweater vest. It is a classic look. This is not Steve Urkel!!
Izzy: Where did Steve Urkel come from?
Elsa: I watch classic TV.. Steve Urkel used to wear a sweater vest. But nothing like this one!!
Izzy: Urkel rocked his though, but you’re right, this is much more chic and not Urkel-esque!
Elsa: It’s a safe bet for school too for practical reasons. If the classroom is too warm, he can simply slip off the sweater and still have a nice look.
Izzy: The glasses are cool too. Have you noticed that both of our examples of glasses today have featured rounded lenses?
Elsa: Trend alert! Round framed glasses are all the rage for back-to-school.
Izzy: You can look SPEC-tacular in them even if you don’t need prescription glasses.
Elsa: Non-prescription glasses strictly worn as a fashion accessory are very fashionable. Your jokes are no better than mine, by the way.
Izzy: I have the BEST joke of all right here…..
Elsa: Oh goodness, that is a joke! At least I hope it is…
Izzy: How does Newton plan on carrying all that stuff to school?
Elsa: I do kind of want that apple though. That’s a lot of fun. And I actually love this plaid shirt. It would look good with a sweater vest!!!
Izzy: You and your sweater vests! The baggy pants are soooo amazing. That’s a joke, by the way.
Elsa: Well, your jokes are getting better. I just feel sorry that our buddy is weighed down like this. It’s hard to look cool and fashionable carrying that much stuff.
Izzy: It does lend to a homeless vibe when you carry a lot of bags along with you.
Elsa: I think Newton needs to get a bigger backpack, a personal assistant or downsize his load. With this much going on, people are going to be distracted by all the stuff he’s carrying and won’t even be able to see him.
Izzy: The only way he’s going to get straight A’s in this outfits is to use a ruler!
Elsa: Plus I bet he will get in trouble for sticking out his tongue at the teacher.
Izzy: If you want to call me, Newton, I have a few tips on how to get away with stuff in school. Not getting caught is one of my many talents.
Elsa: Corrupting the school children of America… another one of your goals?
Izzy: Just trying to do my part.
Elsa: You certainly have some high morals and lofty goals. I hope you attain them… well, some of them at least. Others I hope you fail miserably at.
Izzy: That’s not very nice! I would support you if you wanted to trash people on a daily basis. That’s what friends are for, you know.
Elsa: I will support you, Izzy, always and forever… in practically all of your endeavors.
Izzy: And I will invite you to PRACTICALLY all of my best parties and remember to buy gifts ALMOST every Christmas.
Elsa: I love you, Izzy, even with your sassy little mouth.
Izzy: BECAUSE of my sassy little mouth, you mean.
Izzy and Elsa: Stay fabulous, Fashionistas!
For more Pawshion Police, click here. And, be sure to tune in every Friday for your weekly dose of fashion and sass!
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